Fighting in Front of kids, and How to Stop it?

Being a parent life is not easy. We always had tons of duties and responsibilities. And these constant responsibilities sometimes put a negative pressure on our relationship. Parental conflicts or parental fight is one of the most common consequences of the frantic pressure that we as a parent faced in our day to day life.

Yes! It is true that conflicts are part of a human relationship and as a parent and as a couple, it is not uncommon to have disagreements and conflicts on various issue. This week in “Monday mommy moments”, we are discussing the same important issue as “Is it ok to fight in front of kids?” and what should be an ideal way to handle these parental conflicts to keep our kids safe and secure from the negative effects of parental conflicts?

Before moving on next stage, it is important to understand the types of parental conflicts.

Type of parental conflicts

There are mainly 2 types of parental conflicts.

• ·         Constructive parental conflict
• ·         Destructive parental conflict

As the name suggested the constructive conflicts have a positive effect on kid’s overall development. According to psychologist  “when parents have mild to moderate conflicts that involves support, compromise and positive emotions, is not bad for children development. It will help in developing better social skill and positive self-esteem. It also helps in developing a better relationship with parents, improved academic performance and better problem-solving skill.”

While another side destructive conflict has exact opposite and negative effect on kid’s development. Have a look at what does science says about it.

What does science say

According to scientific research,  “those families that have the higher level of conflicts and animosity between parents, has a negative effect on childhood development.

• ·         These kids are at a higher risk of developing emotional, social and behavioural problems as well as difficulties with concentration and educational achievements.
• ·         It also has a negative effect on children’s sense of safety and security which affects their relationship with their parents and with others.

Though children of all ages are affected by destructive inter-parental conflicts but did you know, infants (as young as 6 months) had symptoms of distress in response to parental conflicts. Research shows,

“Babies as young as six months show higher psychological symptoms of distress such as an elevated heart rate, in response to parental conflicts”

What can we do as a parent?

Personally, like all other parents, I always tried to avoid any unhealthy or negative discussion in front of kids. And whenever, we had some disagreements mostly we tried to do it somewhere private and deal with each other closely and personally. It makes it so easier to communicate and resolve the problem.

Despite these efforts, unfortunately sometimes it happened that we had some minor conflicts in front of our kids (mostly following a different parenting style is a reason, I am a firm believer of positive parenting principles and he has more traditional approach to deal with kids) and whenever these kinds of situations arises, here are the things that I like to do.

• §  I always try to keep discussion as much as positive
• §  Sometimes one of us is walking away to avoid further negativity

And lastly and most effectively “I usually laughed in between the discussion to keep the atmosphere light and positive. Having a silly laugh works great to resolve different parental issues and conflicts. I will highly recommend to you try this one while dealing with any problem. It works like a magic to resolve difficult problems”

What the expert says?

Here are few things that experts recommended to handle parental conflicts in front of kids.

• §  Replace anger with your true feeling is the first and positive step that is essential to deal with parental conflicts with positivity. Try to find out the rule cause of your anger (such as fear or frustration) always help to avoid the unhealthy discussions and helps in resolving any difficult parental issue.
• §  Always had a “Problem-solving attitude”, instead of having “I want to win this discussion”, experts suggested that “when you respond respectfully to each other’s point of view, kids see that there is more than one solution to a problem and that compromise is not a bad thing”, this thing helps them to develop better problem-solving skills and they learn an important life lesson that we should respect each other’s point of view and thought process.
• §  Write down your feeling or takes notes of the points you want to make. This thing will help to organize your thoughts and brings clarity to an issue. You would have a positive mindset and more understanding about the issue while re-open the discussion.
• §  Always end the discussion with affection, last but not the least always end your discussion with a positive emotion and affection. Share a moment of peace re-affirm your love, trust and care for each other.

So these are some pointers from my side. I would love to know, how you deal with inter-parental conflicts, especially in front of kids. What are your strategies that have worked for you? Please share with us!

this post is also a part of #supemomcontest and #Momdaymommymoments  hosted by http://healthwealthbridge.com/ and http://kreativemommy.com/5-things-motherhood-no-one-told/

also, the post is a part of #Mondaymusings hosted by everydaygyaan.com